This Time with Love: A Christian Romance (The McKinleys Book 1) Read online

  All Staci could think of was to escape.

  “What are you doing here? Where have you been?” He shot the questions at her as he stepped toward her.

  It took everything within Staci to not step back, away from him.

  He moved closer. “Why did you just disappear?”

  Staci could have answered all of his questions with just one sentence, but she wasn’t going to. Six years ago he'd made the decision to not be a permanent part of her life. She owed him no explanations.

  She took a quick breath to steady her nerves, drawing on everything she’d ever learned about maintaining her composure. “Eric. What a surprise.”

  His dark eyes narrowed, leaving no doubts about his displeasure with her response.

  “Eric. What a surprise? That’s all you have to say? It’s been six years since you walked out on me without even a word of goodbye, and that’s all the greeting I get?”

  Staci crossed her arms, willing the trembling in her extremities to cease. She could not let him see how much this encounter upset her. The snack she’d eaten in the car on the way up churned in her stomach. Moisture flooded her mouth. Staci had to swallow several times before she could respond. “As I recall, you made it clear that night that there was no future for us. I figured that was our goodbye.”

  “I didn’t know that just because I reinforced my position regarding marriage—a position, I might add, you knew about from almost the beginning of our relationship—that you would just walk away from what we had as soon as I left on my business trip.”

  Staci swallowed hard, trying to keep from throwing up all over his shoes. She had to be so careful of what she told him. Of what she revealed of that time. “What we had was a relationship I could no longer be part of because I had become a Christian.”

  Eric stared at her. “Are you telling me that the last night when we talked you were already a Christian?”

  Staci nodded. “I knew I couldn’t continue the relationship as it was. If marriage wasn’t an option then the relationship was over for me.”

  It had been so much more than that, but Staci didn’t want to get into a discussion. The more they discussed, the greater the possibility she would say something she didn’t want to. This was a slippery slope she had to get off. Fast.

  “The past is the past, Eric. There’s no need for us to dwell on it.” Staci took a step back. “I guess I’ll probably see you around.”

  Before Eric could respond, Staci slipped out of the dining room and brushed past people to get to the entrance of the lodge. As she stepped out of the building, she realized she’d forgotten her jacket, but even the cold could not turn her back. She raced over the packed snow on the path leading to the cabins. She heard Eric call her name, but didn’t slow down or stop. Didn’t even glance over her shoulder.

  The past had to stay in the past. The taint from her life six years ago must never touch Sarah. She would do what she must to keep that from happening. The woman she’d been back then was gone. And she must never, ever be allowed to return.

  Her boots slipped on the snow, and she fell to her knees. Panic swamped her. She couldn’t allow Eric to catch up with her. Staci scrambled to regain her footing. As soon as she was on her feet once again, she bolted for the door of the cabin, and the safety that lay behind it.

  Eric stood on the porch of the lodge watching Ana make her mad dash to a cabin off to the left of the main building. His breath caught when she fell, and he started to go after her, but then stopped. He could find her. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know which cabin she disappeared into. Right then, however, he was still trying to come to terms with the fact that after six long years, he had once again come face to face with Miss Anastacia Stapleton.

  His breath came in visible puffs in the cold air as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Eric gazed at the cabin where Ana had gone, his mind full of questions. And memories. So many memories.

  He’d immediately seen the changes in her. The short and sassy way she’d worn her hair had given way to long blonde strands. Would it still be silky soft if he ran his fingers through it? She didn’t have the waif-like look of six years ago either—the look that had been so popular in the circles in which they moved. If he had to pick one word to describe the changes in her since they’d been apart, he’d pick soft.

  Memories he’d tried hard to suppress over the years came rolling through his mind like tumbleweeds in the desert. Seeing her again after so long had set them free once more. He couldn’t ignore them. They just kept right on coming.

  The battle with his thoughts raged. He didn’t want to think of their more intimate times together. But they had been together nearly two years, and there was no denying that their physical relationship was really what had held them together. Over the years, he’d come to realize there hadn’t been much substance to what they’d had but that hadn’t stopped him from wanting to find her.

  Eric rubbed his forehead, glad for the chill that invaded his body from the cold winter wind.

  What was he to do now? No matter what Ana said, things weren’t finished between them. Had it just been his unwillingness to marry her that had sent her away? But why go into hiding? There was no doubt in his mind that she had disappeared with the purpose of never being found by him.

  Her agent had blocked him at every turn when he’d come back from his engineering assignment in Africa. Bribing hadn’t even worked. For all intents and purposes, Ana had vanished off the face of the earth. He’d spent a small fortune trying to track her down. He’d given up trying to find her three years ago, and now here she was. At a Christian singles’ retreat. In Minnesota. The very last place he would have ever thought he’d run into her.

  Eric gave his head a shake. “Very funny sense of humor you’ve got there, God.”

  And it wasn’t helping his ego any to be reminded of his biggest failure in the relationship department on the very same day his latest failure had occurred. Though he had stopped his search for Ana, he’d never had a sense of closure on things with her. He would have that opportunity now, and maybe, while he was at it, he could see if Ana could tell him what it was that made him bad news to the women he dated. After all, she was the woman who had stuck with him the longest. If anyone could point out his defect, it would be her.

  He supposed that his break-up with Melanie now had an upside—he could focus his attention on Ana without feeling like he was neglecting Mel. Eric also felt certain there was more to Ana’s need to disappear than she was letting on, and he had every intention of finding out what it was.

  CHAPTER TWO

  STACI paced the small room. Bunk bed to the door. Door to the wall. And back again. She could have stayed in the main area of the cabin and had more space to move, but somehow she felt safer with two doors between her and Eric should he decide to come looking for her. Which was ridiculous really, since neither door had a lock on it.

  Only one option remained in this situation—she had to leave. She could disappear without having to actually leave the city. Eric only knew her as Anastacia Stapleton not Staci Moore, which was what she went by now. He could ask until he was blue in the face, but no one would ever be able to connect the two for him.

  Staci grabbed her bag and put it on the lower bunk. She’d only pulled out a few items earlier so packing to leave wouldn’t take long at all. As she shoved her things back into the bag, it dawned on her that Eric had seen which cabin she’d gone into. He would be able to discover the name she used now without too much difficulty.

  Her frantic movements stilled.

  Clearly, running away this time wasn’t going to work. Best to stay and see if she could get the situation to the point where he accepted the past and was willing to leave her alone. Staci sank down on the bed, ducking her head to avoid getting a whack from the upper bunk.

  She heard the front door of the cabin open. “Staci? You here?”

  The bedroom door was the next to swing open. Her friend, Denise, stood the
re, concern written all over her face. “Why are you hiding out in here? Philip said he saw you take off like the hounds of hell were after you.”

  “I wasn’t feeling well.”

  “You left this.” Denise tossed the coat she was carrying onto a nearby chair then sat down next to Staci on the bunk bed. “Are you missing Sarah?”

  “Of course, but it’s my stomach that’s bothering me.” She pressed a hand to her abdomen. Thankfully, that wasn’t a lie.

  “You’re wanting to go home, right?” Denise stood, crossing her arms. “You promised you’d try to stick this out.”

  “I’m not going home,” Staci said, making up her mind just as the words spilled out. “I’ll pass on dinner, but hopefully I’ll feel up to joining the group later on.”

  “Are you sure?” Denise laid a hand on Staci’s forehead. “At least you don’t seem to have a fever.”

  Staci allowed a small smile to curve her lips. “Thanks, Mom.”

  Denise’s gaze went to the bag on the bed. “I’ll leave you in peace to rest as long as you don’t sneak off.”

  “I won’t.” Staci stood, picked up the bag and dropped it on the floor. “I’m going to lie down.”

  “I’ll be back in a while to check on you.” Denise gave her a hug. “I know it’s rough being away from Sarah. I’m proud of you.”

  Staci watched her friend leave the room. She felt bad for allowing Denise to think it was all about missing Sarah. But it was necessary to keep the past where it belonged, so she couldn’t confide in her friend about Eric. She’d been honest to all who had asked about Sarah’s father. She’d told people that she’d become a Christian and that Sarah’s father hadn’t been interested in marriage so they’d gone their separate ways. She had only found out about the pregnancy after she’d left LA—and Sarah’s father—behind.

  There was no way she wanted to introduce Eric as Sarah’s father. For if Eric ever found out about Sarah, their whole life would change—and not necessarily for the better.

  Even though he’d become a Christian, there were aspects of Eric’s personality that Staci doubted would ever change. He had always been a perfectionist and never left anything undone. He’d always focused on how perfect she was. Her body was perfect. Her appearance was perfect. Her playing was perfect. The desire to keep that level of perfection in order to please him had just about done her in. And though she didn’t care what he thought about the changes in her, she had no idea how he’d react to meeting his daughter. In the eyes of the world, her little girl was anything but perfect. Staci wasn’t going to give him the opportunity to reject her because of that.

  It was absolutely necessary that she convince him that this thing between them was done. Finished. Over.

  Eric glanced around the room at the tables filled with people. Dinner was well underway, but there was no sign of Ana. He saw the man she’d been with earlier, but she wasn’t among the group at his table.

  “Lookin’ for someone?” Trent spoke over his shoulder.

  Eric glanced at him. “Finished eating already?”

  “Nope. Got waylaid. Should we find a couple of seats?”

  Fairly certain that Ana wasn’t coming to dinner, Eric nodded and followed Trent as he weaved his way among the tables to the one where people from their church sat. The bowls of food on the table were nearly empty, but there was enough left for the two of them to get at least one helping. That was fine for him since his appetite had long since fled, but he had a feeling it would barely put a dent in Trent’s hollow leg.

  “Attention, everyone!” A man stood at a microphone in the corner of the room. “We need your help cleaning up. Please scrape your plates into an empty bowl on the table and stack them. All the dishes need to be cleared off to the metal racks that are being wheeled out of the kitchen. Once we’re done here, let’s move into the meeting room for some fellowship.”

  The noise level in the room increased significantly with the screech of chairs and clatter of dishes and silverware. Eric took a couple more bites of food before handing his plate over to be scraped. He helped gather up the glasses and placed them on the rack.

  “Let’s go,” Trent said to him once the tables were all cleared and the racks were wheeled back into the kitchen.

  People began to fill every available seat in the main meeting room. Eric and Trent snagged two on the far side of the room. As luck would have it, his seat gave him a perfect view of the door. And a perfect view of Ana when she walked in a few minutes later. She’d changed into a thick pink sweater and blue jeans. Her hair was pulled back, making her look more like the Ana of six years ago.

  He watched as she looked around the room. Their gazes met. Eric waited for her to look away. There was no change of expression on her face, just a blink, and their connection broke as her gaze continued to travel the room. Had their relationship really been reduced to a quick glance?

  Eric frowned.

  He wasn’t sure why, but he hadn’t wanted to believe her when she’d said it was over, that she’d moved past him. But from all appearances, she was telling the truth. But what about him? He’d searched but never had the closure of finding her and figuring out what had gone wrong. And even though he’d heard her explanation of what had prompted her departure, it wasn’t over for him. Not by a long shot.

  Without another look in his direction, she walked to a group of people kitty-corner to where he sat. It was with interest that he watched who she interacted with. A woman with a passel of black curls smiled as Ana approached. There were two ways to skin this cat. He’d prefer to go directly to Ana, but, if necessary, he’d find another way to get the answers he needed. He always did.

  The ancient piano sounded amazingly good as the pianist began to play. Eric wondered why Ana wasn’t the one at the keys. There wasn’t any doubt in his mind that no one in the room played even half as well as she did.

  The program progressed with lots of singing and then a short devotional. Eric had to force himself to keep his attention on the leader of the meeting and not on Ana. There would be time for that later.

  As soon as the meeting ended, everyone was invited to hang around and play games, chat or partake of yet more food that had been laid out for them in the dining room. Though Trent, along with a large group of other men, made a beeline for the food, Eric lingered behind, waiting to see what Ana would do, where she would go.

  She sat for several minutes talking with the black-haired woman, a tall man with dark blond hair standing over them. His hand rested on the nape of the woman’s neck as he looked around the room. Eric averted his gaze, not wanting the man to know he was staring at them.

  Out of the corner of his eye, Eric watched for Ana to stand. It wasn’t long before she and the woman both stood and made their way out of the meeting area. He followed them and ended up in the dining room.

  Eric bided his time, waiting for the moment when she’d be alone. He was fairly certain that she’d go out of her way to not let that happen, but he was patient. When he wanted something bad enough, he could wait.

  While he waited, Eric grabbed a small paper plate and filled it with a handful of chips and a couple of slices of cheese. A cup of coffee rounded off the snack quite nicely.

  He wandered the room, chatting with a few people he recognized from church. All the while he kept an eye on Ana and her small group of friends. As he dumped his empty plate and cup into the garbage, he saw the black-haired woman and her man head back to the main room. When Ana approached a table and took a couple of things, Eric didn’t give her any opportunity to escape this time.

  “Ana?” To her credit, she didn’t show any signs of tension at the sound of his voice.

  She turned to him, no expression on her face. “Eric. How are you enjoying the retreat so far?”

  For a moment, Eric wanted to say something—anything—to rattle her composure. But if this was how she wanted to play it, he’d do it her way. “It’s not too bad. My first time at something like this. How ab
out you?”

  Ana hesitated. “Yes. My first time, too. I’m glad the forecast is nice for the next couple of days.”

  His patience dropped almost to zero at her comment. “Is this what we’re reduced to, Ana? Talking about the weather?”

  “I’m not sure we have anything else to discuss,” Ana said as she dropped her napkin into the garbage can.

  Eric realized in that moment that not everything about Ana had changed. The steely composure she had when performing and the guard she’d rarely let down—even around him—were still firmly in place. Getting any answers from her was going to be a challenge. That may have been daunting to any other man, but Eric liked challenges.

  “I just want to know why you left like you did,” Eric said.

  Ana turned toward him. “I told you earlier. I knew our relationship couldn’t continue as it was since I had become a Christian. You made it fairly clear that marriage was not something you were interested in. That kind of left me in a difficult spot.”

  “Okay, so that explains why you ended the relationship, but why did you go into hiding? Even your agent wouldn’t tell me where you were.”

  Ana glanced away from him, and Eric saw a tiny crack in her composure. But when their gazes met again, it was gone. “I figured it would be difficult for me to be around you. Either the temptation would be too great and I’d give in or I’d have to watch you get involved with other women. I wasn’t strong enough to deal with either of those situations back then. The simplest solution was to leave.”

  “I looked for you,” Eric told her, suddenly finding it important that she know that.

  Ana’s head dipped. “I know. Bethany told me that you’d contacted her. I’m sorry it didn’t end better. I took the easy way out, I know that. But since then I’ve managed to build a life for myself, and I’m assuming you have, too.”

  “So does that mean we can’t keep in contact with each other?”

  “What we had between us…” Eric saw a flush rise on Ana’s cheeks. “Well, that side of things was always a strong connection. I don’t want to find out if that is still true. I will not put myself into a situation that could lead to something we’d both regret.”