Faith Hope and Love Read online

  “Hello?”

  “Cassie?”

  She paused. Batter dripped from the lip of the ladle to the hot surface of the griddle. A flash of hope filled her but she worked to squelch it. Disappointment had come too many times in the past.

  “Aaron!” Cassie resumed pouring the batter. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m fine, Cassie, just fine.”

  Something in Aaron’s voice caught her attention. She let go of the ladle and turned from the counter, the bowl still tucked into the curve of her arm. Her heart pounded and her throat tightened. Was this good news or bad?

  She swallowed. “What’s up? You don’t usually call this early. And it’s even earlier there in California.”

  “We’ve got news.”

  Cassie gripped the receiver with her free hand and pressed it closer to her ear. “Good news, Aaron? Please tell me it’s good news.”

  “It’s great news, Cassie. Quinn’s been released! He’ll be on his way home in a few hours.”

  Cassie’s arms went limp. The bowl slipped and hit the floor. Batter splattered her legs, the cupboards and the linoleum, but she didn’t care. Aaron continued to talk though the blood had rushed to her head and her ears were ringing so she couldn’t hear a word he said. Cassie sank to the floor when her legs would no longer hold her.

  Quinn was alive! And coming home!

  Cassie began to shake. She wrapped her arm around her knees and pulled herself into a tight ball trying to control it, but still her body trembled.

  “Oh God, thank you! Thank you so much!” Tears of relief slid down her cheeks. The day she’d hoped for had finally arrived. Her family was going to be complete again. Cassie tried to suppress the sobs but relief and joy pushed them to the surface. She knew Aaron would wait until she had herself under control. He and Cecily had been with her through every high and low during the past six years.

  “Mommy?”

  Cassie turned and felt her heart clench anew. The petite girl standing in the doorway clad in a Barbie nightgown was finally going to get to meet her daddy.

  “Oh Jani!” Cassie put the receiver down on the floor and opened her arms to her daughter. Jani moved slowly across the batter-splattered floor and stepped into her mother’s arms. Cassie looked through a mist of tears at that darling face with eyes so like her father’s. “Daddy’s coming home.”

  “My daddy’s coming home?” When Cassie nodded, Jani jerked out of her embrace and began to dance around the kitchen until she slipped on a patch of batter and landed on her behind on the floor. Instead of crying though, she looked up at Cassie and laughed. “My daddy’s coming home!”

  Cassie picked up the receiver and heard Aaron’s chuckle.

  “She’s excited,” Cassie told him.

  “I can hear that. I’m so glad for the two of you.”

  “When can we see him, Aaron? Where is he arriving?”

  Aaron chuckled. “Guess you missed that earlier,”

  “I’m sorry, I was so caught up in the news about Quinn.”

  “No problem,” Aaron told her. “It would have been simpler if the mission had been contacted first, but because of the government’s involvement, they were the ones contacted. And we’ve suspected from the start that this was a political move. Our team is on their way down to see him and bring him home, but the government people want to talk to him as well. We’re bringing him to LA and already there’s a plan for a press conference. I know this isn’t how you wanted it but unfortunately it’s spun out of control.”

  “You know, Aaron, suddenly it doesn’t matter. All that matters now is that he is free and on his way home. I’d fly to Siberia just so long as we’re together when I get off the plane.”

  “And you will be,” Aaron assured her.

  They spent the next few minutes discussing logistics before Cassie pushed herself up off the messy floor and hung up. She turned back to find Jani still sitting on the floor, a delighted look on her small face, one that was no doubt reflected on Cassie’s as well.

  “We have to call Auntie,” Jani exclaimed as she jumped up. “I want to tell her.”

  Cassie handed her the phone and watched Jani carefully punch out the number for Quinn’s sister. She could hardly wait to hear Renee’s reaction.

  “Auntie Renee? Daddy’s coming home,” Jani announced proudly. She listened intently for a moment, twisting the phone cord around her small finger. Her brows drew together in a frown and she responded indignantly, “Course I’m telling the truth!”

  “Here, Honey, let me talk to Auntie.”

  Cassie took the phone and pressed it to her ear in time to hear Renee rattle off a bunch of questions.

  “He’s free, and he’s on his way home,” Cassie told her. “I don’t know anything more and frankly, that’s all that matters right now.”

  “Of course, you’re right. I just can’t believe it!”

  “I can’t believe it either, Renee. I’m in a fog over here. My kitchen is a mess thanks to the pancake batter I dropped when I heard the news.”

  Renee laughed. “Want me to come over and help clean up?”

  “Actually, would you mind? Not to clean up but I need your help getting stuff together. I have to fly to LA to meet him. Can Jani stay with you? I think it would be better if she didn’t come to LA and get caught up in everything there.” Cassie finally stopped and took a deep breath.

  “I’ll just phone someone to open for me at the bookstore, and I’ll be right over. Don’t worry, we’ll have you on that plane and on your way to see Quinn in no time.”

  Cassie hung up the phone and leaned against the counter for a minute. Everything was going so fast. She had tons to do… starting with another shower thanks to the batter mishap. There was packing to do. Phone calls to make to get time off work.

  It all whirled around her head but suddenly one frivolous, and yet alarming, thought grabbed her attention. She’d never lost those last ten pounds from her pregnancy with Jani!

  A pluck on her sleeve drew her attention. She looked down at Jani and saw her pointing at the counter. Smoke was beginning to drift up from the griddle. Cassie hurried to turn the grill off and stared at the burned circles on the grill but even the prospect of burned pancakes couldn’t dim the joy in her heart.

  *****

  Cassie reached out with her keycard, then drew her hand back, clasping it together with her other one. This was what she’d wanted, what she’d prayed for, for almost six years. She should be bursting through the door, eagerly anticipating what lay beyond. But as eager as Cassie was, a spark of fear existed deep within her. A lot had happened in six years, to both her and Quinn. Would they be able to get past the changes?

  During the past few hours a lot of realities had sunk in. There were things counselors over the years had cautioned her about but until that day, Cassie had brushed aside. She’d managed to convince herself nothing could be done to Quinn that would change who he was. For some reason now she wasn’t so sure. Six years was a long time. Doubts and fears buried deep within her seeped through the cracks of her confidence to the surface.

  Was the man on the other side of the door her husband or a stranger?

  Suddenly wishing she hadn’t demanded privacy for their reunion, Cassie turned to look down the hallway of the hotel. She saw the doors of the elevator were closed and the buttons above it signaled its descent, away from her. She had to face this alone.

  Aaron and Cecily had picked her up at the airport and brought her to the hotel. They’d told her Quinn had spent most the day getting checked over by medical doctors and that physically he was okay although they were still waiting for a few test results. That news had reassured her, but she got the feeling there were things they were leaving out. It was what they weren’t saying that troubled her.

  Cassie reached out again and this time slid the keycard in, grasped the handle and turned it.

  Six years. It felt like an eternity.

  The door swung open silently. Cassie
stepped through the doorway into the short hall beyond. At the end of the hall lay the suite that had been provided for them. And Quinn.

  Slowly Cassie shut the door and leaned back against it. She closed her eyes, praying for strength. Hearing a rustle of movement from the room at the end of the hallway, Cassie’s eyes flew open and she straightened. Did he know she was there? Was he wondering why she didn’t come to him?

  Willing herself to put one foot in front of the other, Cassie began to walk along the plush carpet to the suite.

  Bright sunlight shone through the large glass windows lining the outside wall of the suite. Silhouetted against the brightness stood a man.

  “Quinn?” His name slipped past Cassie’s numb lips, echoing in the silent room even though she’d barely whispered it.

  The man turned toward her, and she got her first look at him. Cassie began to panic. They’ve made a mistake. This isn’t my Quinn.

  Even with the sun behind him obscuring most of his features she could see that this man had short—almost shaved—hair while Quinn had always worn his longer. Usually it curled at least to his collar. The man standing before her was thin and wiry, not at all like Quinn had been. No, this wasn’t her Quinn.

  Then the man moved from the window, freeing his features from the shadows created by the sun, and Cassie saw his eyes. They were Quinn’s eyes. Not the expression in them but the color. Jani’s were just like them.

  With a cry, Cassie ran to him and threw her arms around him. It took a second to register that the body pressed to hers was really Quinn’s. It felt unfamiliar, foreign to her. It took a little longer to realize Quinn’s return embrace was slow in coming. His arms seemed to wrap around her almost reluctantly. As if he hugged her only because he knew she expected it of him.

  Cassie’s heart began to crack. The fear that had been slowly seeping to the surface suddenly burst through like a geyser and flooded her heart. She’d told no one about her fear, but now it seemed to be coming to life. Quinn no longer loved her. What other explanation could there be for the lack of warmth in his embrace? The lack of emotion in his welcome?

  Slowly Cassie stepped back, away from the stranger. His arms fell from her back to hang limply at his sides. Cassie looked at him then, really looked. His beautiful black hair was cut so short she could see his scalp. The exposure to the sun had tanned his face a dark brown. She noticed a few more lines at the corners of his eyes and around his mouth. Dark circles lay beneath his eyes, telling more than words of his exhaustion. He was gaunt, his cheekbones starkly defined beneath tautly stretched skin.

  Cassie finally looked into his eyes, afraid of what she’d see there. The color was unchanged, that deep chocolate brown, but they were expressionless. Cassie could read nothing in the eyes that had once glowed with love and affection for her.

  She took a step backwards, away from the stranger who vaguely resembled her husband. As she did, her heart cried out, this wasn’t the way it was supposed to be! The Lord had given her back her husband, but he wasn’t the same man who had been taken from her six years ago.

  Words didn’t come to Cassie. She was at a loss to know what to say to the man standing before her. He looked at her, scrutinizing her much like she’d done him, but there was no expression on his face to let Cassie know what he thought.

  “Welcome home,” Cassie finally said even though they weren’t in their real home yet.

  Quinn glanced around the suite and then settled his gaze back on her. “Thanks.”

  Cassie twisted her hands together nervously. “Are you hungry? We can order something from room service if you’d like. I don’t think you want to try going outside the hotel just yet. There are lots of reporters out there.”

  He nodded. “I know. I saw them on our way in.” He ran a hand across his shorn hair. “Actually, I’m not very hungry. I’d just like a shower and bed.”

  Bed. Cassie’s heart stuttered to a stop, then started again at an alarming speed. She’d joyfully shared her bed with Quinn before but now…

  “I haven’t had sleep in over twenty-four hours. I can hardly think straight.” Quinn pointed to the door at the end of the living room part of the suite. “I put my stuff in that room. Your bag is in the other one.”

  Cassie felt relief, but disappointment shaded it. The reunion did not meet her dreams or expectations at all. It hurt that Quinn was so distant from her, but she’d been warned this might be the case. She’d chosen to ignore the warnings and now didn’t know how to deal with it.

  Quinn turned and disappeared through the doorway. The door shut with a soft but resounding thud. Cassie stared at the closed door before turning to go to her own room. She shut her door and slipped off her shoes.

  For several moments she leaned against the door, her arms limp at her sides, her shoulders weighted. Five minutes. Their reunion had lasted all of five minutes. In her dreams they held each other for a good long time and then they sat down together and talked for hours about all they’d missed in each other’s lives over the past six years.

  Five minutes! He hadn’t even asked about his family or given her the chance to tell him about Jani.

  The rose-colored glasses she’d worn that the counselors over the years had tugged at to no avail had been ripped away by Quinn in five short minutes. Cassie had been so sure of Quinn’s love for her and for God. She’d been so sure that nothing could significantly change the man he was. She had been wrong.

  Tears threatened to spill over. Cassie didn’t even bother to try and stop them. Instead, she flung herself on the bed and let grief wash over her. She curled on her side, a pillow wrapped in her arms. Cassie buried her face in it to muffle her sobs, helpless against the torrent of pain that battered her.

  Chapter Two

  Quinn leaned against the closed door. He knew he’d blown it with Cassie but he hadn’t known how to act. He couldn’t say that the reunion wasn’t what he had hoped for because he’d stopped hoping for a reunion with Cassie about four years ago. It had been easier that way.

  For the first couple years of his captivity in the jungle he’d dreamed of Cassie every night. He’d prayed every hour for the Lord to allow him to be reunited with her. But days had turned to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years.

  The first leader of the rebels had been stern but still treated him like a human being. The next one who’d come in his second year had been more strict and more verbally abusive but still tolerable. The worst had come in year three when a monster, who had spoken English with little accent, had replaced leader number two. He had never softened towards Quinn as the others had, clearly that had been the reason he’d lasted four years as the leader.

  During times of verbal abuse, Quinn could block out the Spanish words they hurled at him, but when the abuse was hurled in English he’d had no escape. And then had come the physical abuse, the beatings, and the torture by a man who seemed more American than Colombian. He’d apparently done his job because he had kept the leader position for four years. Four long years. And somewhere along the line he’d lost his faith and his dreams of Cassie.

  His captors, especially in the last few years, had preyed upon emotion, so Quinn had hardened himself against it. They had continually taunted him about Cassie finding another man. They would say they’d told the world he was dead so probably his wife had found another husband.

  After a while their words had the desired effect and Quinn began to wonder. Did Cassie believe him dead? Had she found another man to love? In order to protect himself in case they were telling the truth, Quinn began to distance himself from the memory of Cassie.

  Now that he was free and knew the truth about the situation, Quinn didn’t know how to react. He had buried his love for Cassie so deep that now that he was allowed to express it, Quinn didn’t know where to find it. Or how to find it. Or if he wanted to find it.

  He knew he was not the man Cassie had married. That man had died in the jungle. Would she be able to love the man who had been left
in his place? Even knowing that their lives no longer traveled along the same road?

  Quinn pushed away from the door and headed for the bathroom. He stopped to pick up the duffle bag he’d been given in Bogotá after being freed. It held a change of clothes and some toiletries for him. He set the bag on the floor of the bathroom and proceeded to fill the bathtub.

  As he sank into the hot water Quinn groaned. His body had been tense for the past twenty-four hours. Now that he finally had a chance to relax, it actually hurt to ease the tension in his muscles.

  Quinn slipped down until the water lapped at his chin, leaned his head against the back of the tub, and closed his eyes.

  Cassie. Even now her scent lingered, tantalizing him, reminding him. That perfume was the one she’d worn for years. The one he’d given her for the first time on Valentine’s Day, just weeks after they’d started dating. It seemed so long ago. Almost as if it had happened to another person. And in a sense, it had.

  As he sat there, finally relaxed, finally free, details gradually began to filter into his mind. Memories of times when they’d been happy together. Images of Cassie as she’d been before he’d been kidnapped. Her incredible cobalt-blue eyes that sparkled like no jewel ever could. Her long blond hair, freshly washed, shining like gold in the sunlight. The feel of her in his arms.

  They were images and feelings that demanded attention now that he’d seen Cassie again. He couldn’t push them down inside himself anymore.

  But what good would they do him? Neither of them were the same people they’d been back then. The past was the past. They were living in the present now, and there was nothing they could do to change what had happened over the past six years. The future loomed like a big black hole before Quinn. He had no idea what lay beyond that very moment.

  Reluctantly Quinn left the bath as the water began to cool. He dried off, pulled on a pair of jeans and stood looking in the mirror, searching for the man he’d once been. In his mind he couldn’t even picture him. It had just been one more thing he’d blocked out.